I hope it's a good night

Me, taking both of my friend’s hands in mine: “Look at me. Look at me. Do not get in a car and drive until you’ve sobered up. I love you.”

M____, proud owner of a pickup truck from 2001 that is older than they are, who has been drinking heavily from probably the time they woke up yesterday morning until several hours past sunset tonight, and the night is young: “of course not. I love you. Drive safe.”

M___, completely sober for like two years, on his third redbull energy drink of the evening, lost in a haze of vape juice, deep scar gouged across the space above his left eyebrow from the time he got wasted and tried to drive home and then turned the wrong way onto an expressway off ramp and very nearly died: “haha yeah.”

Me: “okay! you two have a lovely evening. don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”