Thinking back over the past week or so, reading over the things I’ve been writing – I’m pretty certain that I’ve been in a negative place. I think maybe walking in concentration camps can do that to a person. I am also road-weary, and tired, and it’s okay to be all of those things. I think perhaps I’ve earned them.

I choose to write from a place of honesty and openness because I think it’s important. I think if I can find it in myself to get up and talk about the challenges I’m experiencing in any given moment, something in my experience is going to ring true with somebody else. We’re less alone, that way.

But I think it also might sometimes be hard to read. I’ve been telling people to put their shields up. I think as soon as I start to give the negative things that kind of floor space, it’s very easy for them to take over, and suddenly the picture is skewed.

Most of it just is, and most of it has something to do with perspective. I’m thinking about trying to write with an intention to pull things into a balance. Like riding a bicycle, or that moment devoted entirely to physical steadiness just after picking up something heavy – like a backpack, or a laundry bag.

I am almost far enough away from these experiences to be able to look at them objectively, and sit with them, and maybe not be at peace, but be present. I won’t forget. Not ever. My intention is to take this energy and try to make it into something good.

But first I need to get myself home, and settled, and shift focus to self-care things, and breathe.