Happy Thanksgiving.

This week, Rosalynn Carter died at the age of 96. A vehicle exploded on the Rainbow Bridge near Niagra Falls at the border between the US and Canada. There’s been frost on car windows for days.

At home, the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade is on in the background this morning while we make food to share with family later. Now there’s a Hallmark Christmas movie (with the exact same plot as every other Hallmark Christmas movie ever made) playing in the background while we get cleaned up and ready to drive.

Made stuffing with red onion, celery, mushrooms, dried cranberries, walnuts, and a spice mix with rosemary/sage/parsley/thyme. Also made sweet potatoes with a butter and brown sugar glaze seasoned with cinnamon, nutmeg, lemon, vanilla, salt. Bringing along some figs and brie and a milk stout to share also.

My ancestors would be so impressed with my spice collection.

Set up a small but living Christmas tree, complete with favorite ornaments and colorful Christmas lights and a tree skirt decorated with a woodland scene. There are strings of white fairy lights all around the apartment.

I think maybe I “need a little Christmas.”

I’m drinking coffee and trying to decide what to wear. I think the safest thing is to stick with something understated and cozy.

Feeling nervous about being around family during the holidays – sometimes this is a stressful and anxious and uncomfortable time. There is as much potential for conflict and upset as there is room for welcome and enjoyment of one another’s company. I think this is true for most families. Holidays tend to bring a certain set of higher expectations, attachment to outcome, a desire for everything to be perfect. When things aren’t exactly perfect, disappointment leeches a sour and poisonous vibe into the emotional atmosphere – and then old grudges might bubble to the surface, and then and then and then and then. It makes me feel tired and sad. So I’m feeling wary about that potential outcome, even though I really do hope that everything is lovely and fine. Because I love them, of course I love them. All of them. And I miss them so much.

I’m bringing a book and also Steve Rogers, who is the reason it was easy for me to move away from home when I thought that was the one thing in the universe I was never going to be strong enough to do.