“Once I have a Bachelor’s degree, that means I’m free to go. This scares the everliving daylights out of me.”

I’ve been so overwhelmed about this chapter ending that I haven’t stopped to think about what happens next.

What does life look like, after I get through the end of this chapter? What do I want my life to look like?

I want time to write. I want time to write that doesn’t feel like stolen time, time that I *should* have been be spending on other things. I want to go out into the world and notice everything as hard as possible, remember everything I’ve ever noticed, remember every important thing that anyone has ever said to me, and everything they’ve ever written down. And then I want to go home and write about it.

I want time to read. I’ve been steadily collecting books and book recommendations for years. I want to wake up in the morning and drink water and sit by a window and escape into a book, to stare at small lines of text on a page and let that trick my imagination into half-believing in things that may or may not be real, let that make me feel something. Same could be said for games, and shows, and movies, and any other medium for exchanging stories.

I want to go for walks, long walks on the pavement in the city or down by the water or way back on a network of trails in the woods. Alone or with company.

I want to stay connected to people that I like; I want to spend time listening to them talk about the things they like to think about. I want to share food, exchange stories and music, lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling and talk about anything for hours. Forehead kisses, from a select few. Comfortably shared silence, collectively noticing other things that are cool. Company. Doesn’t even have to be the human kind. Sometimes I want to be held, for a moment.

I feel a nagging pressure to find a way to support myself, in case I ever need to be able to do that. I want to be able to afford to eat, to have somewhere safe to sleep, to have access to healthcare and to transportation, cell service… without worrying.

I want to rest when I’m tired, make neat things whenever I want to do that, work on the things that need doing whenever I have the energy to work.

Homemade bread. Privacy. A garden? Time spent in the woods, or swimming in the water. Art, games, books, stories. Soft clothes and comfy blankets. Hot showers. Music.

There are probably other things, but this’ll do for right now.