There’s a certain charge in the air this week. A quiet expectation. Like the world is holding its breath. This tension is heightened by the aftershock of recent events, and by the numbness in the wake of 2020.

For one thing, western NY could be one football game away from collapse, if the Buffalo Bills don’t keep winning like this.

It’s always been strange to me that so many people could care so much for this team. They’ve been absolutely terrible, for all the years of my life. But there’s always been this stubborn pride and devotion, a faint memory of better times. It’s strangely hartening to see them do well, especially right now, especially as someone who realllyyy doesn’t care about sports.

This is the craziest time…

When I was younger, I used to read a lot of historical fiction. It always seemed odd that even as those characters lived through major historical events, they’d mostly be caught up with everyday life.

As I live through… this time in history, I think I’m beginning to understand.

I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted from the murmerings and rumblings of unrest. This doesn’t mean that I’m unaware of the state of the world, because I’m keeping one eye open. This doesn’t mean I’m pretending that everything’s fine, because it isn’t. I’m just aware that if I do not distract myself, I risk sinking into a dark and despairing emotional place where I’m of no use to anyone.

Instead of losing myself in this numb and shaken, feeling I’m going to:

• write
• go for a walk
• make a cheesecake
• read a book
• bake some bread
• cook food that looks pretty
• go to the woods
• listen to podcasts
• take photographs
• make soap
• listen to sea shanties
• shower
• remember to eat
• drink water
• light candles
• do laundry
• clean up the kitchen
• talk with some friends

These are the things that keep me centered and engaged and focused on what I’m doing with my hands and ears and eyes. Sounds and smells hold my attention. Even the sea shanties.*

*recently there has been a rise in the popularity of sea shanties. It’s because people started making covers of a song called Wellerman. I hope this is not a fad, and that it just becomes something that we carry forward with us into the future. Someday we can all get together and sing at the tops of our lungs:

Soon may the Wellerman come
To bring us sugar and tea and rum
One day, when the tonguin’ is done
We’ll take our leave and go…

I’m looking forward to tuning into this inauguration. Looking forward to watching four years of – all of this shit – come to a close. But it’s going to be an interesting time, trying to pull things back into balance. I hope with everything I’ve got that nobody gets hurt. I hope that those who deny the outcome of this election will stay the fuck at home and be peaceful.

In this moment, when the relationship between society and the self is tenuous, I’m mostly not looking for new posts to share, new thoughts to think, new books to read. I’m not looking for more wokeness, even though awareness is important. There has been so much of that in the last year that I’m reaching the limit of what I can hold.

Intead of those things, I am looking for actions.

Not the actions of an activist, even though activism has value and I see this.

What I’m looking for is a way to volunteer. I don’t really know how to do this, but I’ve found a couple of places to begin, and they look promising.

I hope you are holding up well, this Sunday. Love you.