Making people feel like there is something wrong with them and you are the only one who can make them feel whole and safe and comfortable again is far and away one of the easiest ways to make them do whatever you want.

This trick doesn’t work on people who have never in their whole lives felt like anyone else needed them to be anything other than exactly what they are, in order to belong, in order to be welcome, in order to be worth caring about.

Let’s call these people gods, because – even if they do exist, I’ve never met one before.

(Define your terms, as I think we used to say in mathematics.)

Gods are loved when they show up to help you. They are also frequently thrown out along with the trash when they are not on your side.

Who is on your side? Do there have to be sides?

If you’re not your own side, fucking reasses.

I learned this (about gods) from my interpretations of other peoples’ interpretations of stories about the mythologies of people from long ago, and far away. The original storytellers are safely located in space and time such that we can’t actually go and ask them what they think, because they no longer exist. They probably wouldn’t give me a straight answer anyway.

Once you have this kind of power over another living being – once you have pointed out some perceived flaw that needs correcting – you can probably use that power to help them.

You can also use that power to make them help you with the things that you want, which is useful when you’re the kind of person who needs help and can’t/won’t ask for it because needing help is a thing to be ashamed of.

What kinds of things do people want? What do they need help with?

The basics!

People want some combination of things like water, food, company, solitude, sex, drugs, rock & roll, somewhere to become clean, warmth, cold, relief, time alone, laughter, some god damn peace and quiet, to be able to think, to be able to stop thinking, conversations, distractions, focus, kisses, hugs, something to read, something to do with their hands (knitting), distance from things they find revolting, distraction from pain, something beautiful to admire and appreciate, something they don’t like so they can feel better about themselves when they think “ah yes at least I’m not in any way associated with This Kind Of Thing,” secrets exchanged and confided, secrets carried to the grave.

Noticing/remembering small details about people, guessing right and being lucky – that gives you an edge.

If you make a mistake with this power, or if you are careless, even if you are perfect given everything you happen to think you know but you’re wrong anyway because you are human and you can’t know everything

you can absolutely hurt them, and your connections to them, in ways that are beyond difficult or sometimes impossible to repair. And it will be as much your fault for abusing the power they trusted you with as it’ll be their fault for trusting you with that power.

So if we’re going to deal out blame, if that’s on the table now – maybe this is how it works. I don’t know. This is what seems true, to me, right now.

Don’t be careless, and don’t assume you are right, because you might not be.