All throughout my today I experienced sharp pangs of sadness, of grief. The odd thing is that I can’t figure out why.

None of the reasons I can think of feel personal or important enough to hurt like that.

It doesn’t feel like the typical symptoms of anxiety or depression. Pure sadness, not waves of discouragement or overwhelm. And the sadness doesn’t – take over, or pick me up and carry me away. It’s mostly just a physical sensation in my chest, as sharp as the sensations of stubbing my toe or smashing my elbow into something solid.

It’s like I’ve lost something important and I can’t remember what.

I bundled up in my sweatpants, flannel, a pair of my partner’s socks, the carhartt jacket and the hiking boots and a knit cap, and went for a long walk around the parking lot at sunset. Good to stretch my legs and breath the fresh air. Made me feel better.

So did the hot water with honey and lemon.