Self care is fucking important.

It is important to take the time to think of myself before going and doing the things that are hard. It is important to sleep and eat vegetables and remember to plug in my phone.

Calling in the Grandfathers helped me today. (I gave them chocolate afterwards.) So did carrying the stones in my pocket/on my lock screen. Washing my hands. Calling my family and connecting with important people. Writing shit down.

It is important to have a plan that includes not asking myself to do unreasonable things.

I do not need to put myself through a 20+ hour bus ride tomorrow or even the next day or ever. I know where I need to go, but I can take my time getting there.

I do not even need to make myself take a train back to Krakow this evening, I can get myself a room right here.

Such small things. Blankets. A toothbrush. Water pressure. Nice towels. Access to internet. Privacy.

The host at this hostel is unbelievably kind. I sat down in the lobby after a 40 minute walk with a backpack full of dirty laundry 🧺 after having spent an entire day mentally preparing to go back to Auschwitz and then riding a bus To Auschwitz with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and then walking alone around the remains of the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camps and doing all of the emotional and spiritual and mental work necessary to be there and be present and appropriately honor the tragedy and the bullshit that happened there

not to mention walking for approximately 6 hours

and backpacking all over Europe for a month

and this lovely human being comes over to me in the lobby and asks if I need anything and makes me feel welcome and shows me around the hostel and makes sure I’ve got everything I need and Carries My Bag Up The Stairs For Me and is all like “this kitchen is open to all my guests, the kettle’s on, let me know if you need Anything here is my phone number just call oh and here’s the WiFi password” and you don’t find chivalry like this anywhere anymore. I physically could not stop saying thank you.

Gosh, it appears that I needed that.

I just took what felt like the longest shower of my life, I am Putting Off Doing Chores Until Tomorrow, I am listening to my very own music and wearing only the clothing necessary for my own exclusive company which is basically a blanket with some creative knots and Iiii am going to post this all over the internet and I don’t give any shits right now

and nobody here is snoring!!!! unless it’s me, but if that’s the case then shhhh I don’t need to know

nobody else is coming and going and moving around in the dark at 3 in the morning

nobody’s talking on their phone about how much they hate it here

nobody needs Anything from me.*

*if you do, don’t hesitate to ask. Right now I could do almost anything.**

**I still might say no.

And yes. Yeah. It is so important to appreciate the things you have. 💜🍂

so tired 😅