School today.
There’s a thick haze in the sky over the campus; the folks over at the radio station says it’s smoke that blew in from the fires on the west coast.
Last night there was no chance in hell that I was going to be able to lay down and fall asleep, so I made coffee cake instead. Oatmeal and spices and a thick crumbly topping again. I got all covered with flour and it was comforting.
My mom’s a night owl and it’s cold out, so she was up late in the kitchen, too.
We had things to talk about, because my folks and I are watching Twin Peaks in the evenings. I’m rewatching each episode for the mumblemumble third or fourth time, maybe, I can’t remember, it’s still good. My mom is enjoying Twin Peaks more than she thought she might; she thinks it’s good that the show deals with tough things like domestic violence and drug abuse. Maybe it’s good for those things to be out there for everyone to see, and learn to recognize.
It was good to feel able to talk to my mom.
The conversation turned towards the weight of the things that are wrong in the world right now. JK Rowling, capitalism, the shit going down at the Mexican border, the fires in the west, the tear gas at peaceful protests.
She just listens.
Since my sister went off to college, these rants are increasing in frequency and intensity. I keep catching myself in the middle of jarringly passionate social justice orations for a very small audience of two, at the dinner table. It’s like I’m trying to fill in the gaps in conversation where Evie’s voice would be if she were home.
Sometimes it’s like something else is speaking through me. Sometimes I’m not sure that I know enough about the things I’m talking about to be talking about them out loud. But somehow the energy is too much to hold back.
The cake turned out alright, anyhow.
Today I will plunge back into the world of German verbs, and the structures of sound & valid arguments, and the readings on Plato and Socrates. The world of university is easy to navigate. I am quite good at that world. I will bury myself in scholarship, up to the eyebrows, and I while I’m at it maybe I’ll teach myself how to think.
A friend thinks I should take all of my captivity to think, and learn, and express myself, and all the feelings that I have about the things that are wrong in the world, and find a place where I can do what I can to help.
I don’t have a clue where to begin.
I just hope it’s an excellent Wednesday.
“I don’t know where I’m going, I only know where to start… by just tryna keep a little peace in this heart.”
~ Peices, Sim Redmond Band