Having a low moment.

A couple of hours ago, I was sitting outside in the loft of the barn. Everything was calm, quiet and still and cold, covered in snow. And my head was quiet, too.

In that moment, I felt better than I have in a long time. More at peace. Clear headed.

And then I got up. I went back to the house, and then there were other people around me. There was noise and conflict and discomfort, echoing in the walls.

I’ve been trying, recently, to notice how absurd it all is. All the conflict. If you look at it that way, it’s – well, it’s actually almost funny.

But once I’d come inside and landed, the peaceful feeling started to fade. And I missed it.

There is so much to carry.

Do you ever cry for no good reason, when you know that nobody is watching?

There doesn’t have to be a good reason.

Sometimes, sadness just is.

And I don’t have to go looking for the triggers or the trauma. I don’t have to go looking for somebody to blame, and I don’t have to go looking for something that’s wrong with me. I don’t have to shove this feeling into a box labeled “cognitive disorders,” in big black letters on the side.

Sometimes, my breathing is just heavy for a moment, and my eyes well up, and my throat closes down, and I don’t have to know why.

A thought is just a thought. That’s all it is, so it doesn’t have to be true.

A feeling is only a feeling.

Having a low moment.

Hope you’re doing okay. Love you.