Life update. Some old news, some fairly new

I’ll be taking classes at SUNY Geneseo in the fall, in whatever form that takes in the midst of the pandemic. It’s less than half an hour away from my house when the roads are good, so I’m going to live at home. Also, my dad works in the health and counseling center on campus, which means that I will probably be able to catch a ride to school more often than not.

Between carpooling, living at home, and unemployment benefits, I don’t think I’m going to have to take out loans for this year. I can live with that.

The other thing that’s evolving is a shift in a major for my bachelors degree. Again.

It’s been a lot of things. I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. It’s been like this for a long time, now, and I’m starting to think that’s just how it’s going to be.

But there’s this pressure to choose, in academia. Every interesting field seems cut off from all the others. And the way the system is set up, the more time you spend walking down one path the harder it is to change your mind and start again.

I think I might have been taking all of it much too seriously.

Since choosing Geneseo I may or may not have formally changed my major three times. And bickered with the advising department about not being able to make my own schedule in my first semester. And argued in favor of them letting me take 18 credit hours. And then changed my mind.

The folks in the advising department are containing their exasperation exceptionally well.

The other evening, I was laying in bed and thinking about taking three years of biology and chemistry and organic chemistry and biochem and there was this dread in the pit of my stomach that started to feel like nausea and I was pondering just not going back to school

except that path didn’t feel right, either.

I watched John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch. I did some research and sent some emails and asked questions. The advising department listened and wrote back and did not get angry with me for changing my mind too many times, which was really nice of them.

here is a schedule that I put together with the ridiculously patient folks in the advising department:

ancient philosophy, eastern philosophy, intro to logic, western humanities, and introductory German.

I’m actually feeling excited, for this.

I am guessing that there will be a lot of reading, and writing, and due dates, and I will have to adjust. But there are lots of lengthy gaps of time for walking up the hill to the library in the village and sitting in the big comfy chairs on the second floor and doing homework

if they’re open, in September

and that prospect seems manageable.

I don’t know what I want to do yet, but I would like a bachelors degree that leaves my options open. It feels sensible to study something that will teach me how to think and communicate and ask really good questions, and possibly get comfortable with an arbitrary set of writing conventions. Those skills are going to be useful no matter what happens.

I have time, no matter what anyone says. I just know about myself that I have to keep moving forward.

Do what feels right, as hard as you can, all the time. Just keep moving forward.