I did not have to go to school today. 💜

I’m not entirely sure where this day went, and it’s disconcerting.

At one point my parents got caught in the rain, while they were out walking, so I had to go and rescue them. They were grateful, and also soaked through to the skin.

Later on I went for my own walk, which had become a three mile endeavor before I looked up and realized how far my feet had carried me. It had stopped raining, then, and the sun was shining. While I was walking I cried a little. Sometimes I avoid going for walks by myself because I’m afraid to be alone with my own thoughts, out there. But once in a while I guess I have to face that.

There are people I should speak with, things that I should say and do. I’ll have to get around to them sometime if I’m ever going to be able to live with myself. But I’m honestly a little afraid. I suspect that this is human.

On the second half of my walk, I think about the grand jury in Louisville, Kentucky, who will decide if the police officers who raided Breonna Taylor’s apartment and shot her five times will be indicted. I make a mental note to study hard in German, because if this case doesn’t go the way it should, I don’t want to live in this country anymore.

I also wonder how Jacob Blake’s children are doing. I have a vivid imagination and I can put myself in the back seat of a car, watching somebody shoot my dad, and I wonder if Blake’s kids have access to free therapy. I have to believe that someone else has already thought of this, because I have to believe that there is compassion in this world, but I wonder if there is somewhere folks can donate.

I’m home now.

We’re having oatmeal chocolate cake for dinner. It’s dense, and dark, and an old family favorite. Yesterday we made a small batch and drove up to Brockport so that we could give it to my little sister for her birthday.

This evening, I accidentally cut the second cake we made for us into four pieces instead of three, and I really missed her. For about eighteen years my childhood had a face, and it was hers, and now she’s not here anymore. I feel potent sadness about this, and I am so glad she doesn’t read this blog, because she’d laugh at me, a little. I hugged her and chatted in the backseat of a car with her, last night, and I felt completed.

I’ll see her again. Sometime.

Folks, I hope you’re having an excellent Sunday evening.