CW: a brief yet very grumpy rant about body image and disordered eating and some kinds of weight loss marketing as violence towards people with body dysmorphic disorder

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I wish I could search for information about strength training and fitness online without being inundated with January weight loss marketing that specifically targets people who feel uncomfortable in their bodies, pouring salt into body image wounds which are already bad enough.

I want to know how to become strong without accidentally hurting my body. Right now I am not looking for information about how to get smaller than I am.

When I was fifteen I went looking for a strength training routine to support my goal of being able to run faster, run further, and increase my cardiovascular endurance so that I could enjoy success on the Track team. I stumbled across a celebrity dieting routine designed for Jennifer Lawrence when she was filming the Hunger Games. I starved by body for months, carefully tracking every calorie in an excel spreadsheet and feeling worried when I ate more than 500 calories in a day, because I wanted to look like the woman in those movies. I had never struggled with anxiety to the extent that I did that year, and my brain chemistry has never really been the same.

Maybe these services are helpful for people who are looking to embrace their own personal health and body goals, and that’s all fine and good and wonderful – but I just – wasn’t looking for that kind of advice today.