–

Him: ahhh okay there’s this Very Cool Thing that I’ve been enjoying recently and it’s so fascinating and beautiful and neat and heartbreakingly sad and a little strange but like in the best way possible tbh and god I just need to talk to someone about this for like three hours

Her: hmm? Sorry I wasn’t listening, let’s talk about something else instead

–

Me: ahhh that is a Very Cool Thing! Tell me about it. It’s kind of like that other cool thing you talked about for three hours like, what, two years ago? that I still remember, in detail, because I was fucking paying attention

–

Her: you spend so much time online with The Boys and I just – well, sometimes feel like they’re more important to you than I am

Him: of course you’re important to me! I wish you would understand that

Her: but like I need to be the most important thing

Him: well – if that’s what it takes, then sure. okay. you are

Her: prove it, get offline and spend time with meee, I need you

Him: hey, guys, I’m so sorry, can’t be online tonight, she needs me

The Boys: what, again?! I mean yeah okay to be fair we totally get it but also every time? Smh. We miss you, bud.

Him: I miss you guys, too. I do.

–

Her: I love you for proving to me that I’m important to you

Him: I love you, too

Her: I know

she did not know. she had never known, not really, not with anyone. it was *extremely painful all the time,* the not knowing. it made her feel like her chest was going to explode. this didn’t have anything to do with him. old wound hadn’t healed properly. he did the best he could, but it hurt so much to keep telling her she was loved, and to know that deep down she didn’t believe that was real. like trying to carry water in a bucket with a crack in the side, until his joints ached and his head hurt and the inside of his mouth was dry for lack of anything to drink, until one day

–

Her: it’s me or the video games

Him: fine! I guess it’s the video games

Her: fine

–

[grief & separation]

–

Me: be online in five, see you then

Him: wait, really ?

–

Me: hey, so – you know if it ever comes down to a choice between them and me, I want you to pick them, right? Maybe not like every time, but you know what I mean. You need to have a life outside of any one person. That’s important. Otherwise – eventually, maybe not right away, but someday – you’d start to resent me, and that would make you unhappy, and I don’t want to see you unhappy, I don’t want you to resent me. That would be missing the point. I would so much rather have a good time whenever we have time together than be unhappy but with you all the time. I have my own life, my own world to keep me busy that – no offense – doesn’t have anything to do with you. It hasn’t always been that way, but – look, I’ve been trying to grow.

Him: you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that

–

The Boys: *making vaguely gross but satisfying homoerotic noises at one another over the line*

Me: I support this

Him: L… supports this?

The Boys: okay so we like this one

–

💜